I live in a bubble. I don’t want it to burst.

Trying to sort my thoughts about the oral arguments over marriage equality at the Supreme Court yesterday has been emotionally difficult for me.

I know that you know things will never be the same.

There’s a lot of negativity for me associated with court decisions over marriage equality, just in general.

I feel absolutely sick right now.

I’ve been up all night. I’m a nervous mess. All over a stupid court decision.

10a.m. tomorrow. I’m glad I have nowhere to be. I think it’s going to feel like 5 November and finding out about Prop 8 all over again. (journal entry -26 May 2009: CA Supreme Court upholds Proposition 8)

The general consensus among legal experts is that the Supreme Court will rule in favor of marriage equality, possibly very narrowly, but in favor of granting LGBT couples the right to marry (at least in the states that are currently petitioning).

But…the questions proponents of marriage equality got asked. I couldn’t help but think they were some sort of surreal throwback to a time more than a decade past.

Continue reading I live in a bubble. I don’t want it to burst.

Quarterly update, incoming

Because that’s seriously all I update this thing anymore.

Anyhoo. That means life has been busy. And good. And a little bit strange just to keep things interesting.

I also currently have the flu, so it’ll be an experiment to see if I can write anything coherently at the moment.

Hey hoh, let’s go.

Continue reading Quarterly update, incoming

Sing out, Louise: Confidence Challenges in Physical Movement

It’s no secret that my transition has taken a toll on my figure skating technique. It was a surprise to me in the first place though. After reading through dozens of transition blogs, I’d almost expected just the opposite to be true, that with increased physical strength, rotating jumps would get easier.

I seem to have forgotten a cardinal rule of skating: lighter and smaller are ideal, even in the men’s division.

After a 35lb weight gain (probably a combo of muscle and fat, to be fair) and an objective physical change, particularly as far as my upper body was concerned, employing technique I’d been using since the time of my first puberty just saw my jumps getting smaller and more labored as the weeks wore on.

In December 2013, I finally bit the bullet and hired a coach (after about a year and a half practicing solo). There’s just no replacement for technique reminders when you’re having the kinds of issues I was.

And it’s taken over a year of ass-plants and other awkward moments where I felt like I wasn’t ever going to get back to my past form. I’m still not there yet, but just last Wednesday my jumps started feeling lighter (yeah, it was that noticeable that I can actually name the day). It’s been nine days, and I’ve consistently been skating at a higher level than I have since prior to starting HRT. I still have a long way to go, but at least now I’m noticing a positive difference. Huzzah.

But getting my technique back has been only half the battle. The real struggle is one I’ve been dealing with since pretty much the moment I received my first cassette tape of program music and was told to get into a starting pose.

Continue reading Sing out, Louise: Confidence Challenges in Physical Movement

2014 reflections (& a look ahead)

I’d meant to write this at the beginning of the year, but 2015 came in not with a bang for me but with a head cold from hell. I’m just now feeling focused enough to string together sentences in a semi-competent manner. (No, seriously. You should see the entries in my paper journal from the last few days.)

I’ve already evaluated last year ad nauseum privately elsewhere, and I perpetually seem to find myself in a time crunch, so it’s time for another listicle, my friends.

Two of them, actually.

Continue reading 2014 reflections (& a look ahead)

Early bird #NaNoWriMo2014

OMG, I’m such a liar. I’m totally doing NaNo this year, or a variant thereof.

Check this out – a dear new friend (who’s currently in the process of launching a collaborative storytelling platform of epic proportions) suggested I should just start my NaNo challenge a few weeks early this year so I could squeeze it in prior to beginning to my back-end web development mini bootcamp.

Haha, I said at the time. You’re on crack if you think I have time to do that, all of my web dev class’s pre-work, finish up two Coursera classes (one on learning techniques, the other a Python language course), train in skating (while breaking in my third damn pair of skates in the span of six months), and get the requisite 8 hours of sleep I need per night to function on a daily weekday basis.

Like any logical, mature human adult, I naturally thanked her for the suggestion but opted gracefully out.

Um, so…

LOL, ok, yeah no. I so totally did the exact opposite of that. Here’s why.

Continue reading Early bird #NaNoWriMo2014

Life updates (or Why I Won’t Be Participating in NaNoWriMo This Year)

So much has changed in the past month. Clearly, the iPhone 6 has improved my life in ways I couldn’t have anticipated since that fateful night in mid-September when I stayed up until 3am obsessively refreshing Apple’s product page in an attempt to pre-order one.

No, but seriously. It’s true that several aspects of my life have changed in the past few weeks. Once I stop to process this, it definitely helps me put the stress I’ve been feeling of late into perspective. It also reminds me that some things are not actually worth stressing about. Sometimes I need to blatantly state the obvious to be able to see it. That, my friends, is why this blog exists.

The amalgam of these changes means one thing for almost certain though – I’m not going to be taking part in National Novel Writing month for the first time in four years.

Continue reading Life updates (or Why I Won’t Be Participating in NaNoWriMo This Year)

When iPhone pre-orders go wrong

Don’t these people have anything better to do? Like flipping out at T-mobile on Twitter at 3am over their iPhone 6 pre-order utter fail, par exemple.

-Yours truly discussing the recent vandalism of the AIDs memorial in GG Park

I have so many regrets about the consumeristic frenzy I engaged in last night, but clearly not enough to avoid writing about it here.

So, gentle readers, feel free to judge me so hard about this. I totally deserve it.

Continue reading When iPhone pre-orders go wrong

Summer: How It’s All Shaped Up

You start out with goals and try to make aspirations actual reality. Then life gets in the way, and you have to reevaluate, then forge ahead once more.

This summer’s been busy – understatement of the season. I moved, unpacked, overloaded myself, more than full-time worked, attended writing group, exercised, vacationed, cleaned, wrote, remembered to eat, made decisions, tried to code, met up with friends, met new friends, daydreamed, got up early, slept in. And unsurprisingly, inevitably, I did so much more.

So how well did I stay on track with the goals I made for myself at the beginning of the season? Hmm, well. Let’s find out.

(Psst, if you only read one, do number seven. Because I’m thrilled about it.)

Continue reading Summer: How It’s All Shaped Up

7 Things I’m going to do this June (now that I’m no longer trying to move)

Yes, you heard right. My move is complete. It involved bathing cats, and shoving mattresses into the back of a Buick Enclave at 1am on Fell in the Lower Haight, and way too much McDonald’s as the only form of sustenance quick enough to be feasible. It caused me to miss out on the gym for two months straight (that’s my excuse, anyway) and more back and knee aches than I’d care to recount. And that’s just the non-financial toll of the experience.

As some background, Boyfriend and I decided to move in together. We’d been talking about it in hypotheticals for the past few months, and weren’t really planning on getting serious until closer to summer’s end. San Francisco’s rental market being what it is though, once we found a place we liked, we decided to move on it rather than risk not finding something comparable a few months down the road. We got the keys on April 25, and both of us managed to make arrangements to be out of our separate living spaces by the end of May. In between, there were copious car and truck rentals, a trip to Austin, TX, lots of furniture setup, and a few nights spent sleeping on couch cushions. Austin trip aside, the past five weeks of my life have been almost solely devoted to paring down my belongings to next to nothing, deciding what I really could and couldn’t live without, and transporting things over to the new place little by little. I’ve spent so much damn time moving, I hardly know what freedom even is anymore (which is probably why, on Boyfriend’s return business trip to Texas this week, I decided to pack my week to the hilt; and then, naturally, MUNI decided to go on a god-damn not-strike).

So, without further ado, here are seven things I plan to do now that I no longer have to move (that I honest-to-god didn’t have time for last month).

P.S. Yes, this is a new layout that is intentionally minimalist. No, I may not be keeping it. I’m a fickle creature. And so it goes…

Continue reading 7 Things I’m going to do this June (now that I’m no longer trying to move)

So, I decided to learn how to code (alt: it’s all about the booleans)

OK, that’s not technically true. About the booleans, I mean.


In an effort to ensure I don’t ever get a full night of sleep again have the opportunity to expose myself to as many of my interests (and potential interests) as possible in this one life I have to live, I recently decided to learn some computer programming basics.

Coding is one of those things that I’ve wanted to get into for awhile, think I might have even enjoyed doing full-time but just never got the encouragement or guidance to pursue in undergrad (along with front-end web dev and creative writing — kind of obnoxious, actually, because I was pretty much told that those weren’t viable paths to long-term careers and I still wonder if it was a gender-based assessment because, duh, programmers are big salary earners nowadays, especially in the Bay Area).

As a teenager, I was utterly obsessed with website creation, mostly so I could create an emo little whine-fest of blog to complain about how very seriously difficult it was to be me. I’d pull all-nighters trying to figure out how to properly structure my HTML to create the perfect iFrames (remember those?). Then I’d muck with JavaScript to turn my IE browser’s scrollbar into some funky transparent color I thought was aesthetically pleasing. Later, CSS opened up a way for me to be the ultimate design dictator in my own little digital world. I blogged first in individual .htm files (yeah, I actually would redesign every single page on my site whenever I changed layouts — saying it took hours is a considerable understatement). Then I targeted a page within one iFrame to a blogger account. Later, I installed blog platforms like Movable Type and Greymatter. And now I’m on WordPress (hello, world!).

I considered taking a class at a local community college, even looked into doing a boot camp (in an ideal world where I could take 12 weeks off work and devote myself entirely to programming, I’d apply so hard to App Academy, like, yesterday).

Since I like being able to pay rent (and enjoy everything about my job except the commute), I decided on the next best way to learn – teaching myself some basic programming principles via online tutorials at Codecademy, Khan Academy, Treehouse, et al, plus taking workshops (like one I signed up for that provides an intro to Go), and finding conferences or other meetup-esque events to attend.

Continue reading So, I decided to learn how to code (alt: it’s all about the booleans)